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Hold onto your hats, folks, because the bedroom battlefield has been riddled with danger – and it's not just due to the high stakes of pleasure-seeking endeavors. In a startling revelation, a daring doctor has sounded the alarm bells on the most treacherous sex position, backed by alarming statistics and cautionary tales that'll make you rethink your next move between the sheets.

Picture this: an innocent romp taking a catastrophic turn, leading straight to the emergency room. Dr. Raj, our fearless guide through the perilous labyrinth of lovemaking, has pinpointed a particular position as the villain behind a whopping 50% of penile fractures. Brace yourselves, thrill-seekers, for it's none other than the notorious 'Reverse Cowgirl.'

But what's the deal with this seemingly innocuous position, you ask? According to medical experts, it's a perilous dance where one wrong move could leave the male member squashed by the female pelvic bone. Yes, you read that right – a squashed sausage scenario. It turns out penises, despite their boneless nature, can indeed suffer fractures. The culprit? A tear in the tunica albuginea, the penile tissue responsible for those impressive erections.

In a twist that'll leave you both bewildered and cautious, a study from 2014 corroborates this danger, singling out 'woman on top' positions as the chief antagonist. That's right, folks, it's not just Reverse Cowgirl – the regular Cowgirl and even the infamous Doggy Style have made it to the 'danger zone.'

And if you thought recognizing a penile fracture was like solving a Rubik's Cube blindfolded, think again. Symptoms include excruciating pain, alarming sounds akin to 'cracking,' swelling, and even a curious change in color – all potentially leading to a permanent reshaping or the inability to rise to the occasion in the future. Talk about a nightmare!

So, as we bid adieu to this year and embrace the new one, perhaps it's time for some safer sex resolutions. Or maybe, just maybe, taking a leaf out of Mother Nature's book and exploring 'erotic' relationships with trees might be the unexpected, but safer, way to go. Merry Christmas and a 'penis-safe' New Year, everyone!